Resolutions 2009

Happy New Year, one day late. Sorry, but I was indisposed during yesterday and could not post my most anticipated discussion to date. And, without further delay here are my predictions I think will happen in 2009 and predictions that most likely won’t happen, but would present an interesting scenario for the public, if any one came to be. Here we go!!

Predictions That May Happen In 2009

The Bernie Madoff debacle will total well in excess of $50 Billion. It will most likely be released that the scheme is closer to $100 Billion.
Tolls across the country will be increased due to the decline in travel.
The number of billionaires world-wide will shrink to under 1,000. There are currently about 1,125.
The British pound will sink below the value of the American Dollar.
Housing prices will continue to decline for the entire year of 2009.
The DOW will drop below 7000 within the first 100 days of 2009 (April 10, 2009, in case you want to count it out to figure out the date.).
More ridiculous bailouts for big, stupid companies that suck. Bailouts do three very bad things: 1.They undermine capitalism (think of Darwin’s Theory of survival of the fittest), 2. Create Big Government (please do not interpret my fear of Big Gov’t to mean I’m a Republican and also do not misconstrue that because I said I’m not a Republican that it means I’m a Democrat. I’m an American)_
The Big change O’Bama is supposed to make, will not happen. This guy is a politician, not Batman! The only change that occurred is we elected a President who is one, not white and two not old. However, I think we elected the right guy, because the other guy would’ve been just like the current guy and the other guy teamed up with the chick from Alaska who is an embarrassment. The whole point of being elected President, it to “be elected President”. The means and the end are the same.
One of the big three auto companies will fail or at least file for bankruptcy.
At least one country in the European union will drop the Euro as their currency and go back to their old form of currency.

Predictions That Most Likely Won’t Happen in 2009, But Would Be Interesting If They Did

England will default. This would be crazy, but not impossible. Their economy is going through the worst dookie storm in their proud history. Everyone expects countries like Brazil and Russia to default (they have before), but if a vital country such as England defaulted, the snowball effect would land the world into the deepest depression in history.
AIG fails. This is not out of the question by any means. The fact that they are spending their portion of bailout money to pay dividends and bonuses to their sorry excuse for an executive staff, shows they could possibly blow through that money without investing it into the actual company to make it viable. So, all that money could be blown and all those policy owners, employees and not to mention the taxpayers all get left holding the bag.
Unemployment will reach 20%. Not likely, but if either of the previous two predictions comes true, it will definitely happen.
Oil will drop below $25 per barrel. Oil is sitting at just below $42, but I think it bottomed at $34, which I believe was an overcorrection. Again, if any of the previous three happen, you could see the demand sink so much that it will drive the price to those levels.
China’s economy will blow up (not literally and not in a good way). This is probably going to happen, just not likely in 2009. I believe their business practices will be the reason for the demise of that country’s economy. With the lead paint thing from 2007 to the importation of fish that they breed in overcrowded fish farms (they basically swim in their own waste which contaminates the filet.), their due for a collapse.
Housing market recovers. Not likely this soon, but it is wishful thinking on my part. I bought a house in July 2008 and would like to see my equity increase, but in reality it is probably worth less than what we bought it for despite the great price we got it for. Rest assured, my property tax assessment will still increase and so I’ll have to take off of work to go to grievance day. Super!!
Oil exporters will figure out how to protect their tankers from pirates. The fact that pirates even exist in today’s world is beyond me. These guys show up and take over an oil tanker with a five man raft with a motor on it. I can see that happening once and then just hiring a sharp shooter for $10,000 to, I don’t know, shoot a hole in the f’ing raft. If they make the adjustment and come in a wooden raft, hire an archer for $10,000 to shoot a flaming arrow or better yet, one of those exploding arrows from Rambo or the Dukes of Hazzard. Even better, get Stallone or John Schneider (Bo Duke) to shoot the flaming arrow at the boat. However, I don’t think you could get one of those guys to do it for $10,000. I wonder what think tank they hired who is still working on that little problem? WTF
The national debt reaches $15 Trillion. Probably won’t happen in 2009, but if they start printing money for more bailouts and our GDP keeps shrinking, it just might happen. Currently we are sitting at a smidge under $11 Trillion.
Government issues another stimulus payout. Not likely, because the real difference would be make with the loosening of the credit market. If checks are issued to tax payers, most of the money will be tossed into savings accounts or to put towards credit card debt. It would backfire, just like the one last year.
Gold will top $1,000 per ounce. Not likely as it currently sits at about $880 per ounce. The demand should increase as the stock market continues to decline in the 1st quarter and folks start getting defensive.

For entertainment purposes only. My Sure Thing Predictions For 2009

Paris Hilton will still be useless.
Pirates will still be hijacking oil tankers with sharpened sticks and six shooters.
Peace will not happen in the Middle East.
McCain and Palin will still be mavericks.
More Hallmark and Lifetime channel Christmas movies starring has-been actors will still be made and still suck and I will watch every single one of them. I’m still waiting for a Christmas movie starring Dustin Diamond (Screech Saved By The Bell for all you youngsters).
Unions will continue to suck companies dry and operate inefficiently. Boeing is the latest victim of unions sucking and the fallout hasn’t been realized yet.
Suicide bombing in Afghanistan and Iraq will still be considered trendy.
College tuition will continue to increase while the value will continue to decrease. College tuition is the only product I know of whose demand and price increase and the utility decreases all at the same time. College education is the biggest rip-off on the planet, but a necessary evil. Educational background should have nothing to do with gaining a job. Every job should have an interview process and an exam directly geared towards the position in question.
The majority of investors will continue to buy high and sell low. Ah, the irony of human reason. Fight the herd mentality. Buffett said it best. “When everyone is fearful, be greedy. When everyone is greedy, be fearful.”
G-Dubyah will write his memoirs. Hopefully, they’ll get someone to proof read that piece……of dookie.
James Lipton will still be a legend in his own mind and a complete failure.
J-Lo will still have no discernable talent to speak of.






Every year, folks all over creation tell everyone what they are going to do differently this year, from breaking bad habits, to going back to school and getting or finishing that degree. As we all know, talk is cheap and a vast majority of these resolutions are not started or completed. I've got a New Year's resolution for you, "Don't declare any New Year's resolutions!" That way, you will have started and completed a resolution without having to do anything.

Okay, enough of that. Let's move on to ten resolutions that you can apply to improve the health of your personal finances. Here's the list for you to pour over and integrate with your life. These are all attainable and can make a vast difference in your life. It only takes some discipline. Here goes!

Pay down your credit card debt "correctly". There is nothing that can whoop your mf'in ass like credit card debt. You hear all of these commercials about people not being able to pay the interest on their C.C. debt and it is totally true. There are three kinds of interest rates you are typically charged on your bills: interest from purchases, interest from balance transfers and interest from cash advances. The credit card companies typically charge varying rates and will line your balances up so that you have to pay the lowest rate through to the highest. This will become illegal in 2010, because by having your payments go directly to towards the balances with the lowest interest rate, the credit card company can make more money by waiting until the lower interest rate balances are paid off before having the payments work on the higher interest rate balances. The bottom line is to take the amount of money that you have allotted each month towards credit cards. Take the lowest monthly payments from the lowest interest rate cards and subtract that from the total you have allotted for credit cards. Whatever is left over goes to the one card with the highest interest rate. I know this goes against Suze Orman’s advice of pay off the lowest balance cards first, but I ran the numbers and it doesn’t work. Too bad, I don’t have the paycheck she gets from the networks. F’in idiots!!!

I know this is anti-American, but spend less than you make. Yes, this goes against the foundation of what make our country the greatest economic force on the planet, but think about the dollars you spend and think about the tax revenue that is created from it and then think about the waste of those tax dollars the government is responsible for (sorry to end that sentence in a preposition). Save you money. Take some serious thought into making sure that what you are buying is what you need. Think about it this way, do you need a snuggie or should you just wear your bathrobe backwards? Think about it!

Pay extra on any outstanding debt. Never underestimate the power of compounding interest. This has two sides. One is side is the compounding affect of saving money in an interest bearing account (preferably one that is higher than inflation, bank savings are a waste of time and money, CD’s or money market accounts are the way to go.). The other side is paying just a little bit more onto your debts. Everyone is so in love with just paying your minimum payment and going on. This is horrible, even if you don’t charge anything on that card each month. You don’t get anywhere doing that, but on any kind of debt, you can save a bunch of time and money by paying a little extra each month. As Wesley Snipes said in Blade, “Some MF’ers are always trying to ice skate up hill.”

Get rid of your cell phone. What are you, F’in helpless!. I got my first cell phone when I was 22 years old and that was 9 years ago. I used about 80 minutes per month, including nights and weekends and I had an 850 a month plan. Everyone is without any survival skills when it comes to not having their cell phone. It is their umbilical cord, their handicap. Grow the hell up you idiot. Get rid of the I-phone and blackberry, unless it is pertinent to your job. Reduce the expense. The average cell phone bill is $100/month!

Start grocery shopping weekly. Nothing wastes more money than idle food in the pantry. Most folks will do it on the fly and end up buying things that may not use for weeks or never, such as “Jell-O Pudding”. Maybe you need it for comfort. Maybe a bum needs a cardboard box for comfort. Don’t laugh, that’ll be you soon, if you don’t get your sh*t together. Plan out your meals and go once a week. Get what you need and call it a day.

Take all the ones and fives out of your wallet every pay period. Sound stupid? Well, you are a little on the smooth brained side. If you don’t know what that mean, then you don’t need to worry about money, because you are in a greenhouse getting watered. Saving any kind of change is an unreal way to save. Wachovia bank has a savings method of taking every electronic (except ATM) transactions and taking a dollar for each transaction and putting it into a high interest account. The bank also allows you to make up to $100 worth of auto transfers to the account and gives you a bonus at each anniversary based on the amount you saved. Things like this take the worst enemy (you) out of the equation from saving.

Raise your credit score. For one, check your credit score to see where you are at these days. Just because you had good credit five years ago doesn’t mean you have good credit now. You have to use your credit cards regularly and keep any old cards you have active. An A+ credit score (thanks to the mortgage collapse) is 740 and higher. It used to be 670 and higher. People suck, institutions suck and we are the ones taking a big bite out of the sh*t sandwich. Keep the old cards and pay down the others, but do not cancel. The ratio of debt used is a key factor and so is current debt, which means if you don’t have any CC debt, use your card once a month to keep it current and pay it off at the end of the month.

Get a second job! I know, I know it is the worst thing ever, but it can clear you out of debt in a hurry and with little fuss. Most of you think that, OMG, I have a Psychology Degree and should be raking in 6 figures. First, Phych and Sociology is merely the remedial Philosophy. And yes, I have a B.A. in such (meaning Philosophy). Plop that big ass check from delivering pizzas on any debt or savings you have. A little goes a long way.

Getting rid of PMI. Private Mortgage Insurance. Ah, it’s the only mafia like business left!! I’m not kidding either! Here is the deal. You buy a house. The bank says (I went through this) we need more money down. For what? I said. Well, there isn’t any PMI company that will cover you unless you put 8% instead of 3% down. Mind you this is $13K more. So, they blamed it on the market changes. I said of course, “WTF IS THE PMI FOR”? I feel like if the mortgage fails, the bank will be compensated because of the PMI, which the mortgagee pays for. How is there a housing crisis? It should be insured, or maybe it wasn’t. Why do foreclosures hurt the housing market, when there is PMI?

Last one. ‘F’ Suze Orman, she is a hack. Oh, wow, she is a woman. Follow her if you desire.